It’s been a long time since I posted, but the struggle has remained real. Lately, to real. I’m out of work and home from a recent surgery, which had me stuck in bed for what seemed like forever. Not seeing people, not being active, or participating in any of my mental health routines, I quickly diminished my mental state.

 It really made me want to write a post. To touch base on how easy it is, to slip into old habits. Into potentially, a very dark place, very quickly. Of course, I just tell myself what I tend to tell my own friends when in crisis. That this feeling is only temporary. This isn’t the rest of my life. This isn’t forever. Always keep pushing through, picking yourself up as many times as you need to. At least you’re getting up. This awful emotion you are feeling will to pass, just like all the ones before. Breathe and be patient. You’re not going to feel better with a flip of a switch. You have got this. Have faith in yourself and be strong.

               And I promise you, those words are hard to hear, even for myself. Because part of me doesn’t believe it. Isn’t there like a limit we can reach of bullshit that I tolerate? I’m pretty sure I maxed mine out years ago. This much hurt couldn’t possibly be assigned to just one person, there must be a mix up right? Or at least that was my theory when questioning my own judgment.

               My past can be dark and stormy, and I have given up several times and ashamed as I am about it, tried to end it all several times. Of which that did nothing but cause more pain to everyone around me. My solution to just make the pain stop did nothing but cause more pain. And my problems were all there, but worse, when I woke up from it all.

               And what is the point of my rambles this morning, to keep myself positive and strong. Reminding myself what I need to feel good again. Whether it’s meds, a relaxing bath, therapy, meditation, hiking…the list goes on. What is your safe place? What makes you feel normal again? Sometimes it seems like my “norm” just isn’t cutting it. And I visibly see nothing that helps.  But I keep going. That’s the important part. Looking at the pain dead on, letting it come in. I would give myself a certain amount of time to feel that emotion. Whether it be hours, days, weeks, however long I felt I needed to really feel what was hurting me. So I could eventually, let it go and move on. The trick is not letting yourself wallow in it and drag on forever until the only thing you recognize is the pain. I keep going for my kids, keep going for my family, I keep going to be the strong hand that will, in the future hopefully help someone else, get through one more day.

               If it’s been more than two weeks and nothing seems to budge, talk to a professional. Sometimes it’s just a tweak of your medication that’s needed, you may just need to talk to someone or change things up in your lifestyle. Something different can make a great distraction from the fact that you’re not feeling your best. Take on a new hobby, it’s never too late to learn a second language or play an instrument. I was told those can activate a different part of the brain. Ultimately, creating new thought patterns, which can be very beneficial on the road to feeling better.  And when you can’t be your own light, shine on for someone else. Helping others is proven to improve your mood with beautiful, feel-good hormones. Shine bright, even on your darkest day.  I know it sounds ridiculous and maybe even corny, but just keep going.